Nobody said it would be easy, but can we really prepare for the mental toll of Cancer?

When a loved one or you personally receive a cancer diagnosis, it can feel like your world has been flipped upside down. The initial shock can be overwhelming, but what follows..... The mental struggle, often goes unnoticed. This battle usually involves fear, anxiety, hope and affecting both the patient and their families.

I've been absent for a little bit on the blog. It has been a busy month. I'm just simply trying to adjust to weekly chemo treatments, a new routine, trying to work and yet still function and be a present wife and mother. It's HARD YALL!! It's always been hard, but when your body is tired and weak it makes it even harder. I have always been raised to say "If you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all", well I kind of haven't wrote because the TRUTH is I didn't have a lot of nice I wanted to say. When I started this blog, I wanted it to by positive, uplifting, an a place for updates on my health and to bring awareness to the diagnosis in hopes to help someone. I never wanted this blog to be depressing to read, because let's be real, who wants to read that?? The more I thought about it, at the end of the day I started this blog to journal and get my thoughts out there. People need to know the raw feelings that come along with a cancer diagnosis. So the truth is the mental battle has been real tough these past few weeks.

Embracing the Uncertainty

Living with uncertainty is one of the most challenging parts of facing cancer. A diagnosis can make you feel like they're standing at a crossroads, wavering between hope and fear. The unpredictability of test results and treatments can lead to anxiety, creating a bunch of "what-ifs" that cloud daily life. Ever since my bloodwork came back low and the thought of needing a blood transfusion the mental battle has been a struggle. It was in that moment that I realized how sick I was. The unknowns and fears. Will I be able to get a treatment this week? Is my blood levels going to be high enough? Is this chemo working? What surgery is going to be best for me? Who will do the surgery? Will I travel for surgery or stay local? It's just a lot!!! So going weekly, it seems like as soon as I start to feel good and not think about the "what-ifs" it's time for more bloodwork and chemo. All the emotions and fears return again and again. I have found myself, angry, bitter and emotional these last few weeks. I told Austin, I'm just TIRED!! My body and mind is just tired!! I'm over it!! I'm tired of trying to be strong for everyone. I'm ready to be done, be cancer free, do the things I want to do when I want to do them and not worry about side effects. Wash my hair in hot water, curl / style some healthy hair, wear mascara, the list goes on and on. I am yearning for the 39 year old life and body I once had prior to June 26th. That is the REAL truth. I am learning, the mental battle you face is just as tough as the physical battle.

To regain a sense of control, focusing on the things that can be managed has become essential for me. I am having to learn to just lay my burdens down and turn them over to my Jesus to carry them for me. As much as I want to manage this journey, I can't but what I "can do" is pray. Pray that I can have faith like Daniel in lions den, hope like Moses in the wilderness, that he can give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense so I can face this giant of CANCER with CONFIDENCE!! Because....... Isaiah 53:5 says, BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED.

Support Systems

A strong support system can be vital during the cancer journey. Friends, family and church family that offer emotional support can significantly boosts mental health, serving as a reminder that nobody faces this battle alone. My support system has carried me along this journey thus far. I honestly would not be where I am right now mentally if it wasn't for the support I have been given. People near and far, some I haven't spoken to in years have reached out to let me know they care and are praying for me. Happy mail, is just that. Austin teases me because he sees how excited I get to see that card come in the mail. Wondering who is thinking about me. So if you have ever wondered if sending a card is the thing of the past, I'm here to say it brings me joy so I'm sure it does for so many others. SEND THE CARD... That is one thing I will continue to do after this because I know how much that small gesture can change a day.

Medical Update

Since my last post, I have transitioned to weekly chemo treatments, every Friday. If you remember, I told you all my case was going before the chemo board after my last mammogram to see what route needed to be taken from here. It was decided that an additional chemo drug needed to be added, since they didn't get the exact results they were hoping for. So I am now getting, Paclitaxel & Carboplatin weekly for 12 weeks, or as long as my body can handle both. I have completed 4 rounds of Paclitaxel and 3 of Carboplatin. My hemoglobin has been teetering just above needing a blood transfusion for 3 weeks now. Below an 8 qualifies you for needing a blood transfusion and mine was at 8.5 this past week. Pray that my levels continue to rise so we can proceed on with chemo and get it behind me. Some of the main side effects of these new drugs are neuropathy, numbness, bone pain and nausea. So far the only symptoms I am experiencing is bone pain and fatigue. Please, continue to pray it stays that way. So far I have been so very blessed to have mild symptoms from chemotherapy. My Jesus has had his hands all in that, and I'm so thankful he has made a way, when I thought there was no way. Hopefully this Friday, we can start to have conversations concerning surgery options after chemo. Right now that is making me anxious, not knowing what the plan is because there is so many variables. Overall, I'm doing very well considering and I give my Jesus, my healthcare team and my support system all the credit. Please continue to keep me in your prayers in the upcoming weeks.

Until next time,

XOXO

Britney